autism

  • Prioritizing Adventures With Our Children Over Perfection At Home

    In a world that often glorifies picture-perfect homes and Instagram-worthy parenting moments, the pressure to have it all together can be overwhelming. Many moms struggle with the relentless pursuit of trying to achieve perfection at home, and how to balance that with spending quality time with their children. Today, Anna Stopinska-Lewucha, a UK mum of two boys, shares how and why she decided to avoid social pressures and swap perfection for more adventures with her children. Anna’s story serves as an inspiring testament to the power of prioritizing what truly matters in the beautiful chaos of parenthood, over the need to look perfect on the outside.

    Prioritizing adventures with our children over perfection at home - sunflower field visit

    The struggle for perfection

    Life in the 21st century is filled with the amazing opportunity to live a life full of adventure. Opportunities for adventure come in all forms. It’s easier than ever to travel wherever our heart desire. We can work and study wherever and whatever we want. We have the opportunity to have amazing careers and beautiful families. Maybe we can even do it all at once, achieving some kind of super-human balance in life.

    However, trying to have it all means that we are constantly struggling for perfection. Chasing perfection creates anxiety, makes us feel like we are not good enough, and makes us question our abilities. It’s also not good for our mental health; it consumes most of our time and is emotionally and physically exhausting.

    Chasing the perfect family life

    The constant drive for perfection can lead to burnout, imposter syndrome, and the gnawing fear of never being good enough. We obsess over every detail, second-guessing our abilities and fearing failure at every turn. The mounting pressure to reach unattainable standards can consume us, leaving us with a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and anxiety.

    The pressure to create a flawless home and raise perfect children is overwhelming. In our pursuit of the ideal family life, we often fail to embrace the beautiful messiness of parenthood, forgetting that children thrive on love, creativity, and genuine connections, not on spotless homes and meticulously planned schedules.

    This relentless chase for perfection can eventually erode our self-esteem, making us question our parenting abilities and causing us to miss out on the spontaneous, heartwarming moments that make family life truly remarkable. Ultimately, the pursuit of perfection, whether in our careers or families, can lead to a state of constant unease, convincing us that we are perpetually falling short of the unattainable standard we’ve set for ourselves.

    Pressure to perform

    The struggle for perfection, in and of itself, is not always bad.  Anyone reading this article can find many examples of situations where perfection is needed and desired. Would an Olympian become an Olympian without mastering their skills in their chosen sport? Would we as humanity have achieved what we have achieved, without constant improvement and greater effort? Medicine, science, and engineering are all examples of disciples that demand a constant need for perfection. How far would we (as a society) go if we did not strive to do better?

    However, that’s not what we’re talking about here. This article is not written for highly motivated professionals. We’re speaking to mums who feel pressured to perform at superhuman levels. The mums who don’t feel like they’re ever going to be good enough. The ones who question the idea of perfection that society imposes on them, those who do not find the culture of chasing perfection attractive. We’re talking to you…the mum who wants to be a great parent and is tired of trying to keep up with everyone else. The mum who craves passion, adventures, and quality time with her kids. YOU! 

    Perfect parenting is an oxymoron

    Dear mums, a word of warning before we go any further: I’m not a trained parenting expert.

    I will not give you any professional advice. I don’t always know what I’m doing and make mistakes all the time.

    In fact, this article won’t even be perfect, as I am trying not to put too much pressure on myself to achieve perfection at all costs. Instead, I will use my heart and my own experiences to hopefully inspire you to put perfection aside and instead seek connection. I’m going to share with you how and why I don’t aim for perfection as a parent.

    And, from the very bottom of my imperfect heart, I want to tell you that through putting perfection aside, I’ve learned that my children love imperfection, chaos, spontaneity, mess, and adventures (which sometimes go wrong). They thrive in the mess. Chances are yours will too.

    The gift of imperfection

    I wholeheartedly admit (to anyone that will listen), that I am not perfect. I’m not a perfect mum; I’m not a perfect wife; I’m not a perfect daughter, or friend, or writer. And I’m not trying to be. 

    Several elements contributed to my imperfection, but one of the most formative reasons I’m not striving for perfection is because I don’t see my own mum as a perfect mum. She is a wonderful mum, but definitely not perfect. This is a powerful gift that my mother doesn’t even realize she gave me.

    My parents are retired farmers, and my mum was always busy at the farm and with the kids. She worked day and night, around the clock. But, our house was never super tidy. She simply did not have time to do it all. She had to prioritise her tasks, and maintaining a perfectly clean home wasn’t at the top of the list. We (the kids) were. 

    My sister and I had a lot of her attention. We were clean, and well-fed, and our homework was always checked before we went to bed. We were loved.

    My mother wasn’t, as some call it, “a proud housewife.” Instead, she was very practical and down to earth. In fact, she was (and still is) a great, great mum, who had to make choices every day, and a presentable home was not on her priority list. And I’m so grateful for that. 

    The quest for perfection

    Why do we strive for perfection? As mums, why do we dream of having always happy and smiling children, who do not make mess or noise (especially in public)? Why do we want to have neat, spotless homes and immaculate front gardens?

    I suppose it’s because perfection is socially admired, and we care what other people think about us. Being ambitious is admired. As is the ability to keep a highly-paid job, a beautiful home, and impeccably behaved children. We try so hard because we want to be seen as successful and good. We tie that all up in our own personal worth. And as parents, the great condition of our children and our homes is proof of our accomplishments and worthiness. 

    Autism; my parenting teacher

    I suppose I followed the same path before my son was diagnosed as autistic. I wanted to have perfectly well-behaved presentable kids with manners. However, my son was often challenged by sensory stimuli, which resulted in frequent meltdowns in public. 

    After the diagnosis, we, as a family, had two options. One of them was to hide and not to go to places. Not being exposed to the looks of others sounded like a safe choice.

    Our other choice (and the one we chose), was to get out there, get all the attention (whether we wanted it or not), and stop worrying about what other people thought of us. Those people aren’t parenting our children. They don’t know what’s going on in our lives. They don’t get a say in how we choose to raise our kids. 

    And when we mastered (perfected?) this magical ability, life became simply easier and happier.

    So, I ended up with noisy children, a wild garden, and a very mediocre job. But, I am a much happier version of my younger self, because I realised that people still appreciate me for who I am. And I also know that my children like spending time with me and they enjoy wildness of their childhood. When they move out I’ll tidy our house up and keep on top of my chores.

    Positive psychology

    While writing my dissertation on happiness in the context of parenting autistic children, I came across a concept called positive psychology. It gave me some very useful ideas on how I could focus on my children’s strengths and emphasized the importance of giving children a good, meaningful childhood, filled with positive experiences and powerful memories at its centre.

    One book, called The Practical Guide to Happiness in Children and Teens on the Austim Spectrum struck me as particularly convincing and helpful. This book made me realise that it was my job, as their parent, to help make their childhoods happy and memorable. It was up to me and their dad to teach them resilience, confidence and compassion. Instead of talking about ways to “cure” or “fix” my child, this book helped me realize that I needed to shift my focus to my child’s individual strengths and help make happiness a priority and an attainable goal for him.

    Plus, I really loved the idea of making our simple lives wonderful and exciting here and now. In a nutshell, positive psychology encouraged me to give my children a solid foundation, so they can flourish, be more creative and confident, less stressed, and more appreciative of the little moments in life. (And couldn’t we all benefit from that?)

    tips for prioritizing outdoor adventures and time outside with kids

    Making good memories

    At about the same time I discovered the importance of making good memories for my children, I also decided to “hire” nature as our physiotherapist (you can read about it here). These two decisions to prioritise getting outside and creating a happy childhood seemed to go hand-in-hand.  However, it soon became clear that to make these memories really meaningful for the children, I needed to shift my role from the decision-maker of the family to an attentive follower of what they wanted to do and needed to get there.

    In practice, this meant gently bending and stretching my older child’s rigid, autistic routines so that we could be more spontaneous and try more new things. This also meant allowing both children some choices of activities and destinations. Both these things resulted in many hours spent jumping in puddles, playing in the mud, getting wet and dirty, climbing what looked unclimbable, focusing on something trivial, and generally a lot of unstructured, outdoor free play.

    It took up a lot of their time (and mine). Time that wasn’t spent tidying the house. That wasn’t spent furthering my career. Time invested in them. To me, their happiness justified the imperfect home.

    how to get out of that "you only have 18 summers" mindset - prioritizing adventures

    The pressure of “only having 18 summers”

    We get 18 delicious summers with our children. This is one of your 18. If that’s not perspective, I don’t know what is.” Jessica Scott

    The above quote about only having 18 summers with our children really struck me when I first read it. That poignant reminder that our time with our children is so fleeting and precious made me a bit anxious and panicky. I immediately felt like searching the Internet and booking an amazing vacation for every summer we have left as a family. Because we only have 18 summers. And look how many we’ve already wasted! 

    Then, a friend told me that her 13-year-old would rather spend time with her friends than with her mum and dad, and that made her really happy. A 40-year-old lady at work said she spends (willingly) every summer holiday with her children as well as her parents. I thought of all the time I still spend with my parents. 

    I also realized that booking an “amazing holiday vacation” every summer would cost much, much more than our usual, cheap camping road trips (which we all loved and cherished), which meant I would have to work more hours or find an additional job to be able to afford them. Which, of course, means spending less actual time with the kids. That was confusing…

    Relieving the pressure

    While I understand the sentiment of the quote, I slowly realised that it evoked exactly the wrong feeling in me and added more pressure and anxiety to get it right (to make it perfect). 

    Yes, I might only have 18 summers with the kids. Then again, I might have only 13 summers or 40+ summers. And, I also have an entire life beyond summer with them. Our life and time with our children should not be limited to summer months (especially since summers are so short in the country where we live…not fair).

    And I also understand that making memories does not necessarily mean spending an impressive amount of money on an elaborate and expensive 2-week vacation every summer. Summer can look however we want it to look, whether that’s camping, traveling, or just jumping in a lot of puddles.

    Once again, it made me realise that random online wisdom and that pressure to be the perfect parent (and have the perfect summers) could be doing me more harm than good and that I needed to give myself some space to think about what my priorities were and what really mattered to me. 

    Discovering “micro-adventures”

    Fortunately, someone helped me find an antidote to the unfortunate “you only have 18 summers” quote. My manager told me about Alastair Humphrey, a British adventurer (National Geographic’s Adventurer of the Year, actually), who travelled far and wide, only to discover that amazing adventures were closer than ever, and didn’t need a lot of money to make happen.

    His concept of micro adventures encourages people to seek meaningful outdoor experiences close to home, emphasizing that adventure is not confined to far-off, exotic destinations. Micro adventures are short, accessible, and often spontaneous outdoor escapades that can be undertaken in a few hours or over a weekend, making them easily accessible to anyone with a desire for adventure. They are important because they promote a sense of exploration, help break the monotony of everyday life, and encourage individuals to connect with nature, fostering a spirit of adventure and curiosity in their daily routines.

    Thanks to him, I also learned about another concept that gave us so much more time to adventure. He widely promotes the idea that there is space for adventure and fun between 5:00 p.m. and 9:00 a.m. (which we adjusted to after school hours and weekends). Yes, you may work from “9 to 5,” but adventures can happen from 5 to 9! 

    Alastair explains that micro adventures are “simple expeditions and challenges that are close to home, affordable and easy to organise. Ideas designed to encourage everyday people to get out and do something for themselves, even in these tight financial times.” The very ordinary person in me jumped for joy and erased “18 summers” from my mind once and for all. 

    Simple adventures over perfection

    So, I dug into Alastair’s list of ideas and found some that were absolutely NOT for us. However, some were very much for us! So, we decided on a few of them and got started doing simple camping trips, sleeping in camping pods, short day trips, wild water swimming, local bike rides, fell (mountain) walking, and after school, quick out-of-town adventures with fresh excitement. 

    Since summers in Northern England are short and the weather is rather moody, we often have to deal with elements when we’re out adventuring. Also, quite often, we decide to go on last-minute outings when we do have good weather in order to make the most of our afternoons and weekends. We have the advantage of living near a national park, close to the coast, and very near Scotland. Our Novembers are five months long (November lasts through March), so, we accept and embrace it, still doing things outside, maybe in a different way, but having fun. 

    Adventure is calling (and we must go)

    This shift in our attitude, both towards going on more adventures and making the most of our time, has really changed our family. We’re more flexible, more willing to say yes, and less focused on everything being perfect. We leave the house a mess so we can get outside. The dishes and the laundry can wait…adventure is calling. 

    All photos in this article were taken during such adventures to demonstrate how worth it was (and still is) to trade a spotless house for making memories with our children. And it is these micro-adventures, often at the last-minute, without a proper plan, where the state of our house and our front garden pays the greatest price.

    Will my children remember this? I’m not sure. But, I know I will. And even if they don’t remember the actual adventure, I think they will remember all the spontaneous fun we had.

    how to prioritize adventures over perfection - outdoor parenting tips and advice

    Following the lead

    The poem below by Vicky Ryan, has become one of my most favourite poems. I feel like it accurately summarises my choices as a mum. The choices that have made all the difference for us. 

    “My dishes went unwashed today
     I didn’t make my bed
     I took his hand and followed
    Where eager footsteps led

    Oh Yes, we went adventuring
    My little child and I
    Exploring all the great outdoors
    Beneath the sun and sky

    We watched a robin feed her young
    We climbed a sunlit hill
    Saw cloud-sheep scamper through the sky
    We plucked a daffodil.

    That my house was so neglected
    That I didn’t brush the stairs
     In twenty years no one on earth
    Will know or even care.

    But that I’ve helped my little child
    To noble adulthood grow
    In twenty years the whole wide world
    May look and see and know.”

    Start adventuring small

    Once you decide to ditch your dishes and take your children outside instead, you should know that tailoring simple adventures to suit their age, abilities, and preferences is very important. You want to make getting outside fun (and a bit of a challenge), but you shouldn’t push them too hard when you’re just getting started.

    To be honest, I found Alastair’s list of micro adventures a bit scary at first. However, I took great comfort in learning that any time we stepped out of the house and did something outside, it could be called an adventure. And as my children get older, and we get more comfortable outside, trying new things, the list of adventures we can have together expands.

    how to get started doing micro adventures with your kids - how to prioritize adventures

    Our list of micro adventures

    Here is my own list of micro adventures that our family has tried (and loved):

    • Blackberry picking (and then baking a crumble together).
    • Climbing over rocks, boulders, and fallen trees. Great for improving balance and body strength and is one of my boys’ favourites.
    • A forest walk. You can go to the same forest again and again, Seasonal changes are always interesting, and most children love being in the woods.
    • Exploring a map of our local area and letting them decide where to go.
    • Hiking. My two can walk for miles as long as I promise them ice cream.
    • Crabbing. So much excitement!
    • Visiting a cave. Our latest discovery! Both children found the acoustics fascinating.
    • Wild swimming. Actually, we changed this one to just entering any open water, as we don’t push them too hard. Even dipping their feet in cold waters counts.
    • Foraging for mushrooms. Neither of my kids will eat mushrooms, but they love looking for them!
    • A night-time walk. Great for winter months when the nights are long. It’s an amazing sensory experience (and a good way to show them that the Skin Walker they saw on YouTube isn’t there, despite the video’s 11M views).
    • Running away from a storm. We got absolutely drenched in rain, on that day but, look at their faces!

    micro adventures for kids - autism and outdoor adventures

    Simplicity and spontaneity

    The above micro adventures are all after-school, spontaneous outings (done in that 5-9 time frame). They can be easily adapted to the place where you live and your children’s interests. These did not cost us much (petrol, sandwiches and snacks, crabbing kit and ice cream) and did not require any special preparation. Keeping the activities simple mean that we can do them at a moment’s notice, whenever the fancy strikes us (or the weather cooperates). 

    The magic happens when you get out of the house

    One of our favorite adventures last year was when my husband woke up with a cold one Saturday. Our house was in desperate need for a good cleaning, but my husband needed some rest, so I took the boys out on a short hike to our favourite fell.

    It was a frosty December morning, and there were thousands of spiderwebs hanging throughout the forest, all beautifully frozen and shining in the rising sun. The three of us spent so much time admiring these gorgeous works of nature.

    Then, when we reached the top of the fell, there was a cloud inversion! Imagine, being a child and feeling like you’re standing on top of the world, having nothing but clouds under your feet! It was truly magical. And nothing that we ever could have planned for. We would have missed both the frozen spiderwebs and the clouds if we had stayed home and tidied the house.

    And that is what I am trying to sell here: delight on their faces, the twinkle in their eyes, and seeing them immersed in the moment. My laundry and dishes are worth the sacrifice….

    how to prioritize adventures with your kids over having a clean or perfect home

    Because in the end…

    Because in the end, you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that goddam mountain.” Jack Kerouac

    An impressive career and a spotless house are admirable. But, I have a feeling that years (decades from now), giving our children a magical childhood filled with adventures together, no matter how small, is what we (and they) will remember and cherish most. So leave those dishes in the sink, mama. Let the laundry pile up. I, for one, will applaud you for choosing adventure over perfection and for making the most of the time you have with your children.

    Live with them, adventure with them, listen to them. And let the chores wait.

    How are you living?
    Are you chasing perfection or prioritizing adventure? 

    About the author

    Anna is a mum of two energetic boys and the wife of Cezary. Before they started a family, they enjoyed backpacking and hitchhiking. Once the kids arrived, they adjusted their lifestyle and settled down in the beautiful Lake District, in the northwest of England. It’s often foggy and rainy where they live, but, they are outdoors in any weather. Anna is an ultramarathon runner, and Cezary loves triathlons, so, the children grow up being involved in hiking, trail running, cycling, all-year-round wild water swimming, and camping.

    Stefan is 12 years old and has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. Antek is a neurotypical 10-year-old. Anna believes in positive psychology, in creating good moments and capturing memories. She believes being outdoors brings them together as a family and advocates for children with additional needs to be encouraged to explore and play outside. She trusts nature is a natural playground, enriches and stimulates the senses, and this is where she sees her children happiest. 

    You can find more from Anna in the following online location:
    Instagram: @celebrating_my_boys_journey
    All RWMC posts: Anna Stopinska-Lewucha

  • Autism, Finding Happiness in Nature

    Autism is a developmental disorder that can affect communication, social interaction, and behavior in autistic individuals. Autistic children often struggle with sensory processing and can become overwhelmed in social situations or with disruptions in routines. However, spending time in nature and going on outdoor adventures can provide many benefits for autistic children. Today, Anna Stopinska-Lewucha, a UK mom of two, is sharing her family’s experience using nature and time outdoors to help her autistic son thrive.

    a boy sitting on a rock

    Autism and the outdoors

    How often do you see children with developmental differences when you are outdoors? How many families with children with additional needs actively and purposefully make the most of their natural surroundings?

    I’m the mum of an awesome, adventurous, and autistic boy. Today, I want to give you an overview of what autism is, how spending time outside and in nature can benefit autistic kids, and encourage you to take your unique family outside and discover what nature has to offer. 

    What is autism?

    Autism is a life-long, neurodevelopmental condition. Every person diagnosed with autism experiences difficulties in communicating and interacting with the world and has repetitive patterns of behaviour and thought. Autistic people may also have different ways of learning, moving, or paying attention. 

    Core symptoms of autism, differences in sensory processing, and possible learning difficulties combine to create a plethora of difficulties in the everyday lives of autistic children and their families.

    boy's face

    What autism means to our family

    Dear readers, I hope this gloomy and serious introduction to autism did not put you off, and I’m glad you’re still here reading.

    Let me take a minute for introductions. I’m Anna, and my older son, Stefan, is autistic.

    This means that the above description relates to Stefan, and his autism diagnosis is one which we have to accept and embrace. However, I’m here to tell you that our lives aren’t doom and gloom at all.  His diagnosis isn’t at either extreme – Stefan is not a boy locked in a glass dome, and neither is he an antisocial genius. He has severe learning difficulties, and his autistic presentations are complex. But he also is a little boy who loves trains, washing machines, and being outside.

    This post is about how nature makes him happy.

    a little boys running

    Our journey with autism

    Stefan’s autism was mentioned for the first time when he was two and a half years old. Once the professionals suggested that Stefan might be autistic, I went online and read all I could about the condition. Most of what I found was written in a negative tone. Yet, I was determined that our story would not be a negative one.

    I’ve experimented on Stefan more than I am comfortable admitting. Autism affects each person differently, meaning that autistic people have unique strengths and challenges and different treatment needs. I tried Applied Behavioural Analysis (ABA), the Son-Rise programme, and some other treatments and programs I found on the internet to see if anything would make a difference. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel like any of it was doing us any good.

    So, I enrolled to do a degree in Autism at the University of Strathclyde to better understand what we were dealing with and how I could help my son. I struggled at the beginning of the course because it was all about impairments and deficits. But, eventually, we were given a bigger picture. We were told to consider what would be really important for an autistic person and what practical things we could do to improve their quality of life.

    walking along the stone wall

    Ditching therapies for outdoor play

    The course leader at the time, Dr. Anna Robinson, specialises in autistic welfare. While studying the well-being module, I found my path. I stopped searching for therapies and started looking at what makes my child happy.

    Outdoors was always a place where he could be himself. So, we started paying bigger attention to free play, muddy fun, and child-led exploration. And this is where our positive story began and our son began to thrive.

    a mum and her children at the playground

    Accepting changes through outdoor activities 

    I remember our walks to and from Stefan’s preschool when he was little. They had to be exactly the same. He would insist on sameness and rebel if I wanted to change our route or anything about our walk.

    But, these walks had alterations as seasons changed and some degree of unpredictability (as happens in nature). Looking back, making a daily walk outdoors a part of our routine allowed some openness to changes because of the weather, time of the year, temperatures, and situations we encountered on our way home. Just experiencing nature as it changes, allowed Stefan to experience change on a level he could accept and handle. 

    a boy walking in the woods

    “Early years” day trips

    Stefan’s diagnostic path started when we moved home. We left a big city behind and moved to a tiny town in Cumbria, UK. Despite having a toddler and a baby, we wanted to discover new places and enjoy the vicinity of the sea and mountains.

    Our trips out were often short, but they brought us joy and gave us a good variety of experiences with Stefan. He loved running around and not being restricted in how he behaved and what he could do. Being outside gave him a newfound sense of freedom to explore his body and his surroundings. We found that choosing outdoors over indoors was more beneficial and brought more contentment for all of us.

    tow boys by the sea

    Getting outside the comfort zone

    Every day trip, our little out-of-the-town adventures, were taking Stefan away from places he was familiar with. I don’t think we realised back then how important this was for his development. Desensitising him to changes, obstacles, and different environments was challenging. However, putting him in new situations also evokes curiosity, which neurotypical children are naturally equipped with.

    Stefan, possibly, was curious about the world around him too, but he was very cautious. I don’t think his curiosity would come naturally to him had we not helped him overcome obstacles related to exploring new places and getting out of his routine. I believe he learned to enjoy exploring through these outings, rather than being born curious or with a desire to explore. Or maybe he was born to explore but had to be given tools to overcome his fears? Either way, we are proud that he found his way to be openly and happily curious. 

    Riding a toy tractor

    Spontaneity for outdoor adventures

    Getting outside and going on adventures allowed us more spontaneity. Usually, day trips and local walks were planned, and we always gave Stefan enough time to accept the fact that we were taking him somewhere.

    However, we also had moments when we would, for instance, arrange a quick trip to the seaside because the weather was lovely. A change of routine like this could be very difficult for some autistic children. But with time, he accepted non-planned outings and could be happy with the last-minute changes in plans. His love for the outdoors is bigger than his love for a set routine. 

    Walla Crag, family photo

    Mistakes and discomforts

    I don’t want to give you the wrong impression…we aren’t perfect parents. We make mistakes like everyone else. For example, last Easter, we went hiking and forgot water. We had a choice of turning round and going home, going to the nearest town and buying water, or going for a hike and drinking stream water (don’t try it yourselves – the water where you live might upset your stomach). The weather was glorious for the first time in ages, so, we went on! We drank stream water, hiked for four hours, and bagged three new peaks. It was worth it!

    As parents, we are often scared of making mistakes and experiencing discomfort. But, making mistakes show our children that life isn’t always perfect and teach them to look for solutions. Mistakes happen, but when we approach them as learning opportunities, not as failures or something we should escape from, we all benefit.

    on top of Skiddaw, Lake District

    Stefan’s sensory profile

    When Stefan was around three years old, we noticed that he started touching people whenever he was near them. He also ran his hand alongside fences and walls when we walked. He engaged in running and falling on his knees, on purpose.  He also liked running into walls and trees, at high speed, and bouncing off them, often falling. I was concerned that he would injure himself and didn’t understand the purpose of it. Then, I went to a talk that introduced me to proprioception and the vestibular system.

    boy by the sea

    Sensory processing differences

    Learning that we have more than five senses was a revelation to me. I also learned that the senses can be over-sensitive (too much input causes discomfort or pain) or under-responsive (a child is craving for more input). This can be compared to eating soup: too salty isn’t tasty, so we don’t want it, and not enough salt makes us want to add more salt. This was really eye-opening and made a lot of sense. However, I then learned that my child’s senses can be simultaneously under and over-sensitive. This was just too much. I didn’t understand how the same soup can be too salty one day and not salty enough another.

    Physiotherapy at playgrounds 

    In the UK, autistic families do not have the support of physiotherapists, unless their child’s mobility is seriously affected. In our case, another university lecture I attended brought us some answers we needed. The lecturer encouraged me to use children’s playgrounds as a form of physiotherapy, as playground equipment is designed to support children’s physical development.

    Playgrounds were not our favourite places. Stefan had a hard time with them because of the noise and all the other children. However, with therapy in mind, we looked for a playground that was quiet and often unoccupied and found one in a tiny village nearby. Always empty, it became a regular place to go after school and started using it as a form of physiotherapy. 

    playground fun

    Proprioception (body awareness) and autism

    Stefan’s intentional crashing and banging into things and his habit of touching people and walls, finally, had a word attached to them: proprioception. His proprioception was dysregulated. With this definition came an answer. We were told to push him hard on a swing, undertake rough play, play animal movements, wheelbarrow, jump on a trampoline, run, climb, and engage him in all activities referred to as “heavy work.” 

    We loved this task, and it made such a big difference for him. We continued making trips to our playground and started using nature with body awareness activities in mind. We would climb boulders at the seaside, climb trees, jump off small ledges, do a lot of silly running, rolling down hills, pushing, pulling, and exploring all animal walks. With time, it all paid off.

    Did you guess we had a lot of fun too? Yes, we did!

    seaside rock climbing

    Vestibular system (balance) and the outdoors

    From an early age, Stefan could spin around (for longer than I could watch) without ever feeling dizzy. He was never sick in a car. I’m the opposite; as an adult, I still experience travel sickness, and watching him spin caused me to get nauseous.

    I was told that spinning was a possible sign of autism and I just accepted it as such. Alongside improving Stefan’s body awareness, we worked on Stefan’s balance. As I mentioned before, physiotherapy wasn’t available to us, but I had guidance from one of my lecturers and took it upon myself to help him in this area.

    The outdoors was the perfect place to work on balance. We walked on every fallen tree, every stone wall, and up and down every hill. We walked in fallen leaves, in the snow, and over muddy squishy ground.

    And yes, it did pay off! And yes, it was fun!  Today, when I went for a bike ride with Stefan, and he was riding uphill, out of the saddle, I remember how unachievable this felt a couple of years ago…

    a boy on a rope

    Speech and language therapy (SLT) and the outdoors

    Stefan’s lack of communication was one of the red flags of autism when he was little. Not only did he not have speech (bilingualism was an excuse at the time), but he wasn’t interested in communicating with us or anybody else.

    However, when he was outside, he was happy and more relaxed. Stefan was often more responsive and more communicative outside than when indoors. Playing in nature often required our help, which he needed to indicate, and we often didn’t offer until he made an effort to interact. Being outside also gave us an opportunity to teach Stefan many, many words and introduce him to the concept of natural variety.

    kids eating watermelon

    Learning through outdoor experiences

    When Stefan was first diagnosed with autism, we often worked on putting together two-piece jigsaw puzzles of animals. One of them was a brown cow. After a few days, Stefan learned to point at a cow when I asked him to. But then, I found a picture of a black cow, and he couldn’t understand the connection.

    Luckily, I had great support from his very enthusiastic SLT. Sarah encouraged me to incorporate as much as possible of Stefan’s language and communication learning in outdoor play rather than making it yet another living-room-arranged task. We moved our speech and language learning from our living room outside, and it was a great decision. That possibly made his learning more chaotic, but it was also more spontaneous and did bring the effect we wanted, eventually.

    Since then, we’ve made an effort to intentionally connect his learning to the outdoors. For example, when he was learning about waterfalls in school, we would go to see a real-life waterfall. When they learned map reading, we would go exploring at a local park with a map over the weekend.

    The school supported Stefan by keeping us up to date with their classroom topics, and we supported him by turning his classroom learning into an outdoor experience. Now Stefan is eleven years old, and while we don’t need to follow his school learning, we still believe that learning by doing and experiencing is the most meaningful to an autistic child. And we’ve personally seen it pay off. 

    kayaking

    Expanding food choices outside

    Like many autistic people, sensory processing differences narrow down Stefan’s food choices. However, we noticed that Stefan would be more likely to try new foods when we are out and about on trips or outdoor adventures. It’s an interesting concept we would never have realized unless we were outside and adventuring. 

    While this might not work for everyone, it works for him. He is more open to new options when he is tired and hungry after a hike. He accepts the fact that when we go camping, our food choices are limited, and we might not be able to cook his favourite food. And outdoors, he’s much more curious and willing to taste whatever we eat. 

    toasting marshmallows

    Fitness and health

    Although Stefan might not be as physically fit as his neurotypical peers, we believe that he is in good shape and health. Our active routine of everyday walks and hikes and day trips on weekends have all made him a resilient walker. We are out in any season and any weather.

    As a family, we also enjoy wild water swimming. I have to admit that Stefan only dips his feet in cold water in winter, but still does take part in our fun.  And even in summer, lakes in northern England are far from being warm.

    He also loves his weekly, train-spotting, out-of-town bike rides. He makes most of his trampoline and spends hours in our garden when the days are longer. His immune system is very healthy, and I think a lot of that is from all the time we spend outside.

    lake in winter, two people in water

    Building connection and trust outdoors

    Although I said earlier that Stefan isn’t a boy locked in a glass dome, I haven’t always believed that. When he was little, we felt that he was so distant from us, emotionally. Being in nature made Stefan more relaxed and happy. It also allowed us more interaction, and we found him more open to our support and guidance.

    Over the years, our outdoor adventures have shown us that Stefan wants to share his experience with us. Now, he often makes remarks about what he feels, sees, hears, or smells.

    Another thing we let him do is help us choose our walks or trip destinations. Following and being responsive to Stefan’s choices makes him more open to new experiences. And, all these experiences in the natural world are shared moments of joy that allow so much more connection and closeness with him than I could ever have imagined. seaside mud play

    Lessons learned from lockdown

    When schools shut down during the lockdowns, like many families, we switched to learning from home. Our homeschool experience was very successful. I had great guidance from Stefan’s school, and he had my (his private teacher at the time) full attention nearly all of the time (sharing only with his brother). His academic education went great. We also walked as much as was allowed and made the most of our garden. Stefan’s life was very structured and predictable.

    However, when we were allowed to explore again, Stefan’s perfectly structured world was ruined. He refused to get into the car and refused to go anywhere. He wanted his 100% predictable routine, his safety net, back. We had to start from scratch. It was very hard on all of us. 

    Inspiration came from an unlike place. I will be forever grateful to the parent of little Isaac, whose YouTube videos Stefan loved watching. The videos were about lifts in supermarkets, and a promise to visit the lifts was our best bribe to get Stefan out of the house again. Somehow, it worked.

    As the world was slowly opening up and expanding again, we cautiously went exploring. We quickly discovered that Stefan’s body forgot how to walk on unknown, uneven ground, how to run up and down hill,s and how to climb. It was a petrifying discovery. Luckily, with more outdoor adventures, he quickly adapted and soon was back on track. But, we’ve learned our lesson and now know that he needs to experience different terrains and environments frequently to keep his skills alive.

    a boy with mountains in the background

    Outdoor recommendations for autistic families

    Every autistic child is unique. Each of them has its own set of differences and strengths. I understand that not every family might be able to use the outdoors to the extent we do. However, if you would like to try, below are some activities you and your child might enjoy.

    Garden/backyard activities

    two boys on a seesaw laughing

    Exploring the wider world

    • Neighborhood walks – Little walks around your area should provide the safety of a known place and a bit of exercise. It can be easily adapted, changed, and expanded.
    • Woodland walks – Walks in the nearby woodland or forest are also great sensory experiences. A lot happens in the woods with changing seasons.
    • Visiting playgrounds – If your child finds them too noisy, our hack is to visit them early morning or late afternoon.
    • Stream paddling – Good fun in the water, great physical activity, and good for balancing.
    • Beach – Spending time at the beach is an amazing sensory experience: sifting sand through their fingers, walking barefoot, paddling in a sea, and being allowed carefree play would make many children happy.
    • Nighttime walk – We love little trips around the neighborhood or to our local woods at night. Torches off, senses on. It’s a really fun way to explore the same place in a new way. 
    • Rock climbing – We found a beach where nobody goes with lots of rocks to climb and play on. It’s fun, good for balance, and improves body movement and strength.
    • Camping – Our best holidays are camping holidays! If you are unsure how it will go, try camping in your back garden first.
    • Horse riding – This can be a bit pricey, but there is a long list of benefits.
    • Canoeing/kayaking – A great water activity that’s very physical and involved all the senses. 
    • Raft building – We are currently collecting milk bottles to build our own raft this summer.
    • Cycling – It took us a long time to convince Stefan to pedal. First, he had a tricycle. After a few years on trike, Stefan learned how to use a bicycle, and it brings him a lot of joy.
    • Geocaching – Real-life treasure hunting with your phone! This is an absolute hit with our family. 
    • Rolling down dunes/hills – Great physiotherapy and lots of fun! 
    • I-Spy books – These are themed and motivate kids to finding new things and pay more attention to their surroundings.
    • Hiking – Great outdoor physical activity with tons of variety and options. 
    • Farm visits – Visiting a working farm is a great way to experience a new place. Our favourite is an ice cream farm.
    • Forest bathing – A visit to a forest can do wonders. Some places have sculpture trails or children trails.
    • Kite flying – Cheap and cheerful entertainment for hours.
    • Bonfire – Gathering wood and having an open fire (if allowed in your area).
    • Winter play – Sledding and having a snowball fight.
    • Building a snowman – And, of course, drinking hot chocolate afterward.
    • Crabbing –  It’s amazing how much fun you can have with a piece of bacon and a crabbing net.
    • Foraging – Finding berries is what my children love: blackberries, raspberries, and wild strawberries are easy to find and delicious.
    • Orienteering – With a help of an adult, children can navigate a map and find checkpoints.
    • Fishing – A great way to keep kids outside and entertained for hours. 

    boys bouncing

    Useful literature and websites

    Your local public library will also have a shelf with factual books for children, including literature that encourages nature and outdoor play. A trip to a local library could be an adventure in itself.

    a boy walking

    Taking autistic children outdoors

    The natural world has plenty to offer to our autistic children. We hope that this article would inspire you to spend more time outdoors and find what makes your child happiest.

    Are you and your autistic child exploring and having fun in nature?

    About the author

    Anna is a mum of two energetic boys and the wife of Cezary. Before they started a family, they enjoyed backpacking and hitchhiking. Once the kids arrived, they adjusted their lifestyle and settled down in the beautiful Lake District, in the northwest of England. It’s often foggy and rainy where they live, but, they are outdoors in any weather. Anna is an ultramarathon runner, and Cezary loves triathlons, so, the children grow up being involved in hiking, trail running, cycling, all-year-round wild water swimming, and camping. Stefan is 11 years old and has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. Antek is a neurotypical 9-year-old. Anna believes in positive psychology, in creating good moments and capturing memories. She believes that being outdoors brings them together as a family and advocates for children with additional needs to be encouraged to explore and play outside. She trusts nature is a natural playground, enriches and stimulates the senses, and this is where she sees her children happiest.

    You can find more from Anna in the following online location:
    Instagram: @celebrating_my_boys_journey
    All RWMC posts: Anna Stopinska-Lewucha